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|Sunday, January 1st, 2012|
|Happy Birthday, Happy New Year.. just be Happy! :)
Had such a great birthday this year. Also, a fantastic New Year's Eve! There was birthday cake, champagne, and movies.
2011 was a pretty messed up year, but it seemed to end on a pretty good note. Hopefully 2012 is better!
|Friday, July 29th, 2011|
The other day, Nick told me about a dream he had.
"The three cats were in the room with me, and I kept thinking something was off about it. I couldn't figure out what it was, though. I went over to pet Bob, and then it hit me. I realized it was a dream. So I pet Bob for awhile. Then he wanted to go outside and play. So I said, 'hey, why not?' and I let him out the back door."
Not sure if this is symbolic of Nick kind of letting go of the guilt over Bob's death.. Or maybe it was just a literal dream. Either way, I'm kind of jealous. I sort of think it was really Bob, coming back to say goodbye. It just struck me as being very sweet and sad.
|Monday, July 18th, 2011|
|First day of school!... I mean, work!
I was so extremely excited to be going back to work today. Especially since they said they were buying us (the new people. There's two of us. The other one is also named 'Heather'.) lunch! They also sent me a schedule of my first day, which sort of reminded me of college.
When I got there, the 15th floor of The Tower on Lake Carolyn, I met the other Heather and the receptionist said she was going to show her to her office. Since other new Heather is going to be my manager, I was like.. wow, good for her. I wish I had an office. Then she turned to me and said, 'And now to show you to YOUR office.' I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE AN ACTUAL OFFICE! AHHHH! It's pretty big, too! There are two desks, a bookcase and a small table with two chairs!
And when I was swivveling around in my new chair, I realized that the plant on the table had a card stuck in it. I skootched over in the wheelie chair and grabbed the card. 'Welcome to PDI Ninth House, Heather!', the card said. NOOOO WAY. They also bought me flowers??? UNREAL! This place is fantastic!
Then we had to fill out a bunch of forms, and go to our orientations and stuff.
BUT THEN, after sitting in on a business phone call, I went back to my office and the receptionist put a box on my desk. "Here's your laptop!" Whaaaaaaaa? Granted, it's not really mine, and I'd have to turn it in if I left. But they gave me a laptop to do my work on that I can take home (asked permission and they said, 'Of course! Doreen even uses it as her home computer!' Daaaaaamn!
And then other cool things about this job/perks are that they have a Keurig type coffee machine in the break room, The building has a gym/showers/lockerroom that are accessible for free to building employees, PARKING GARAGE! My car isn't sitting out in the hot sun anymore!...did I mention I have an office? No window, granted, but I guess you've got to work your way up. :)
OH OH! And also! When I was thinking about the Welcome Newbies! Pizza party, I was like... Man, I hope they order 1 veggie pizza.. THEY HAD TWO! This job and me are on the same wavelength!
PS- Also got a canvas tote bag and a tshirt. I totally tooks pictures! Will post them later! Squee! :) Current Mood: giddy
|Thursday, June 16th, 2011|
I think we might be starting to heal from Bob's death. I can't really speak for Nick. I wish I could get a bead on him, but he basically has decided to push all thoughts of Bob right out of his head and pretends that it never happened. (I know because this is exactly what he said) And sometimes something will remind him of Bob, and he'll kind of break down. It doesn't feel quite as empty in the house. I've stopped listening for him. I still feel sad, but it's not as acute.
Last Sunday, we went outside and lit a candle and burned a stick of incense where Bob is, and talked about him a little. Like the fact that he walked by a candle and lit his tail on fire, once. :) Nick planted a catnip bush above him. We're planning on turning that whole area into a catnip garden, and planting some flowers around there to make it really pretty.
I'm hopeful that I might get a job in these next couple weeks. I had a phone interview that went really well, and they said they'd call me next week to set up an irl interview. Then, I had one yesterday in Dallas that seemed to go pretty well. I have one tomorrow that's going to be about 3 hours. And this is after a phone interview and a 1.5 hour questionnaire. Damn. They'd better hire me after all that. :)
|Saturday, June 11th, 2011|
|Is he still here?
I feel like I keep seeing Bob out of the corner of my eye. Like I'll see a sliver of black fur on the other side of the door, and I think it's him, but then it's Gizmo. Or the other night, I honestly thought Bob was next to me in bed. There was this big furry thing there, and then I reached out, and it was Satine's butt. I even saw a shadow in the window I thought was Bob.
I'd like to think maybe he's haunting me a little, but I'm sure it's just my imagination REALLY wanting it to be Bob.
You know what's really crazy is that lately I've been wanting to dig him up. Just to make sure. Like If I want it bad enough, he won't really be dead. I *know* this is crazy. He wasn't breathing. He was stiff. No heartbeat.
But you know, I keep opening the window at night. Trying to hear him meowing, just in case.
In this happy fantasy, I hear Bob crying. I get out the shovel, and dig him out and he's alive, but weak. I call Nick at work, and he comes home and we call the emergency number for the vet and get him hooked up to an IV to rehydrate him. He lives, and everything goes back to normal.
The good news is that the phone interview went fairly well this afternoon. So now I think I have two serious job prospects. Just have to wait to hear from them.
|Thursday, June 9th, 2011|
|When does normal begin?
This morning we took the little stray cat that Nick found to the vet. This cat was in such horrible shape, I kept thinking he was going to die in the night. He was so thin you could almost see through him. You could touch each vertebrae. When you went to pet him, his fur was crusty with flea dirt, scabs, and you could see actual bites on him. We washed him up a bit, and the towel we used to dry him turned red. :(
I did not hold out a lot of hope for him. But Nick kept saying things like 'If he doesn't have leukemia or FIV, we could nurse him back to health. Not sure if we could keep him, but maybe we'd get attached, ect. ect.' I just wanted to look at him and say 'Why are you doing this to yourself? To us?' Not that I wanted the cat to die out on the street. Just please stop saying these hopeful stories of this kitten eventually becoming a happy fat cat on our windowsill. (Like Bob) It's breaking my heart.
We got there and they ran the test. He had Leukemia AND FIP AND some sort of nerve damage in his spine. His back legs would never work again. Also, he had severe anemia, and was so delicate that meds to treat worms and fleas might actually kill him. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, but what if we kept him in a separate room? What if we could find him a house without cats to potentially infect? In the end we decided to put him to sleep. It's so difficult to make that decision for an animal. It was clear he was suffering, but he was also such a lovey little cat. :(
I think the attendant really felt for us. He gave us some time to say goodbye, and then tried to explain to me how it was a painless procedure and he wouldn't be suffering anymore. I was at a full out cry at this point. Not sure how I was the one not getting my hopes up and yet it took so much out of me. I keep thinking 'It's just not fair'. That cat knew people and loved attention. What happened to it so that he ended up barely able to move, in the middle of the road at night, starving and diseased?
So we went home, took another klonopin and went back to sleep.
I know it's going to take some time, but I just want to feel normal again. Every time I'm doing something, I feel like I'm on the Emo Heather show. Watch Heather cook! Sadly. Watch Heather look for jobs! Disinterestedly. Watch Heather make coffee! With a heavy sigh.
I was supposed to call this HR person back today to schedule a phone interview. Luckily for me, he seems to be pursuing me, and emailed to make an appointment for tomorrow. Because did I make that call? Nope. I just didn't care. That is so unlike me.
Also, I keep seeing Gizmo out of my peripheral vision, and I keep thinking I'm seeing Bob. But then I look and it's her. Weird. I keep hoping maybe Bob will haunt us, and we'll get to (sortof) be together again. Or that maybe I'll have a dream of Bob saying goodbye or something. Nothing so far.
|Tuesday, June 7th, 2011|
On Sunday, Nick and I were watching Resident Evil Apocalypse. Laughing at how ridiculously over the top it was. He went into the bedroom, then came back, looking pale. He said, "I've got some bad news. Bob is dead. He's on the floor. He's not moving."
I don't know what it is about the phrase "I've got some bad news..", but I always think he's joking when he says it. But he never is. I slowly made my way into the bedroom. I honest to god thought he was joking, it couldn't be real. Bob looked like he was sleeping in a pile of clothes. But when I rolled him over, his paws were stiff. He didn't feel cold. I wanted to do something. I started massaging the area around his heart. I contemplated giving him CPR, even though the rational side of me knew it was too late.
We were so not ready for this. We had taken him to the vet because he was panting. They said it was probably allergies. Turns out he had sudden heart failure. Panting is one of the symptoms of Cardiomyopathy. There isn't really any treatment or cure for it. Just happens, and it's really sudden. It's somewhat common in Ragamuffins. He was about 9 years old. We thought we had at least 4 or 5 more years with him.
I've been crying all day. I've been going back and forth between trying to distract myself, looking at pictures of Bob, and remembering him. It feels so empty in the house without him.
Nick has been trying to put off thinking about it. He even put his dresser in our closet. His dresser is where Bob's been sleeping for the last month or so. But something will come up and he'll just break down. Like when he saw me looking at pics of Bob, or when he found some of Bob's cat hair on the bedspread. When he does talk about it with me, it's a kind of litany of how much he blames himself.
As for myself, I feel guilty that on the morning of Bobs' death, I grouchily removed him from the top of MY dresser (he knocks things over constantly) and kind of tossed him on the floor. Ugh. Makes me feel like shit. But I think we gave him a really good life.
We buried him out in the backyard with his favorite toy and a picture of us, so he wouldn't be alone. Nick plans to plant a patch of catnip right above him. He looked like he could've been asleep in that box. It feels so wrong that he's outside in the ground and not in here with us.
I have a job interview over the phone tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time caring. Current Mood: numb
|Saturday, August 21st, 2010|
|Ugh, rough week.
I've been having these car problems lately, that are irritating, and not TOO costly, but... well, just irritating, really. It wasn't this week, but last week, when I went to make a turn on my way in to work and my two front tires blew out. Luckily, at least, it was morning and not really too hot yet. And Nick's Dad was off of work that day and able to come to my rescue. Had to buy two new front tires. Grr.
Then this week, I found out a lot of people at my work had been laid off.. Like 5 or so. Some that had been there for awhile. And this sweet lady who I always associate with Christmas and celebrations and good things. So depressing. We had a meeting with our manager who let us know that it 'wasn't personal, just business, very regrettable, ect. and that we were moving forward with this team and very confident that everything would be okay.' Basically a meeting to reassure us, but just made me feel more depressed.
Then my car started overheating on the way home, and that sucked. I had to put water in the radiator reserve tank at a gas station. A homeless guy helped hold my hood up for me so I could do that. I gave him $5 and the rest of the water. But a couple miles down the road the damn car was STILL overheating. Like needle into the red, overheating.
So I went to Starbucks and bought a few bottles of water. Nick said I was probably going to have to put them in the actual radiator, since there didn't seem to be enough pressure to draw in the reserve tank's water. So I very carefully and slowly unscrewed the radiator cap... not slowly enough, because it burst open, spewing coolant and scaring the shit out of me. But I wasn't hurt, and I found the radiator cap after the mini explosion, so I put the water in and went home. Nick has since then fixed the car. But I was pretty nervous to drive for awhile.
Also, I'm assigned to work with the Wells Fargo team. Which, I really like it. I like having a deadline and a project and going to meetings, ect. It's different since I'm the only project manager on my own team. Anyway. It would be a lot of fun, except that these clients are so demanding, and nothing ever makes them happy, and we have to end up bullying our subs in order to make our clients happy. It's just frustrating. And our deadline was Friday. Normally, I can work really fast paced and make ANY deadline.. but with all the revisions, and problems our client was pulling from thin air.. I just realized there was no way. It's not really my failure, but it's still disheartening.
Next week will be better, right?
|Saturday, July 31st, 2010|
|What a blah week
Man, this week was really boring.. and when it wasn't boring, it was annoying.
First, it was really slow at work. I hate that, because you're not allowed to use the internet except for at breaks, so if it's slow, you're just bored to death. Makes the week seem really long.
Then there have been some odd sounds coming from the car. It's a squealing sound when you turn. So I haven't been able to go to the gym from Thurs-now, because Nick needs me to come straight home so he can fix it before he has to leave for work. Ugh, I can't wait for it to be fixed.
On Friday, I found out that someone was trying to use my credit card to pay for an escort/dating service, paintball stuff, stuff at a department store, and a couple other places. The good news is that all those charges were declined, and I'm not responsible for them. The bad/complicated news is that I can't use my card, and I need a new one. It's not so bad waiting for the new card. But I'm going to have re-set up all my monthly automatic payments, including the mortgage one. ARGH. That's supposed to go through on the 2nd!
I did have a cool dream last night, though. J was in The Hunger Games, and everyone else from Hartwick was in the locker room to help wish her luck. She was pretty annoyed with the locker room conditions. It was co-ed, and none of the boys felt the need to cover up. I think we passed about 3 naked guys, just strolling around, with a towel over their shoulders or in their hand. I told her if I were a guy, then I would definitely keep covered. But I would probably also walk around acting like the Old Spice commercial guy all the time. :)
|Saturday, July 24th, 2010|
I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I guess. It's not the kind of music I have usually always liked. But, I've turned into a pretty big Lady Gaga fan. I love her music, it makes me want to get up and dance. So when I heard she was coming to Dallas, OF COURSE I had to go see her! Especially since I hear she puts on a freaking amazing show! Nobody else I know likes her. That probably adds to my shame. So I decided to go by myself.
Well, I had an amazing time! I was kind of nervous driving over there by myself, since I hate long lines and parking and most people. But it actually wasn't too bad. When I started walking to the actual building, I knew it was going to be *an event*. Girls and boys were dressed up like Lady Gaga. Wigs, fishnets, sunglasses, corsets, leotards, hair bows. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! And that was before the show even began! It really kind of made me feel good about living here. The fact that I don't see these diverse and fierce people every day doesn't mean they're not in Dallas, after all.
I found out I had really good seats! I wasn't too close, but I was in a good position to be able to see the whole stage, close enough to enjoy the choreographed dancing, and in a perfect position to be able to look up and see the monitor and the stage at the same time. Not only that, but I was against an aisle bar. So I pretty much spent the entire night dancing. :)
Her costumes, her voice, the dancing.. the presentation!.. Oh, man. She really made an effort. It was probably the best concert I've ever gone to. Her music even sounded better live! She added some heavy guitars that really kind of turned her pop opera into a rock show. There were a lot of moments that made me gasp, and almost brought tears to my eyes because she was so sweet, and very passionate about gay rights. A+ Gaga! Would go again! :)
|Tuesday, June 29th, 2010|
|Boo @ games
I was watching some of the World Cup games this weekend. BAD weekend! Man! USA lost, England lost and Mexico lost. I only really got riled up about the USA loss, though. It's funny because I don't usually like watching sports. But when different countries compete against each other, like the World Cup, or the Olympics.. THEN, it becomes interesting to me.
I'm excited about the new Harry Potter movie! The theme park opened in Florida, and the movie is coming out in November. WAIT, NOVEMBER? I know what I'm doing for my anniversary! I'm re-reading all the books from the beginning for the summer. I can't believe it's been 10 years, and that it's coming to an end. Sigh.
Nick is on a quest to make the world's most perfect cup of coffee. I'm happy to follow along on this one. He bought an AeroPress 1-4 cup coffee and espresso maker. It arrived today, and he made me a cup when I came home. IT WAS VERY STRONG. Good, though! And it's fun and easy to use!
Also, he said he bought me True Blood Season 2 on Blu-Ray! FREAKING YAY! I was going to buy it myself, but then Father's Day and my Mom's birthday came up and stuff.. I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOTGUN SEASON 2 THIS WEEKEND! And I have to say, Season 3 is a lot better. This series is really improving. I roll my eyes and mutter 'Jesus Christ' like 75% less than the first season. PROBABLY because Beel and Sookie are nawt together at the moment. I can't help liking it despite the cheese, though. It's got a lot of awesome moments.
Oh, and did I mention that the Apocalypse might be upon us? Dark Ghostbuster end-of-days clouds came rolling in yesterday when I was leaving work. Then our power went out, there were like 5 police cars with the sirens going down the street from the house, and a guy was passed out on the floor at the gym when I arrived. They needed to call 911 for him, because he was not responding. And it's going to be like 84 degrees tomorrow. So it looks like hell might be on it's way towards freezing over. :)
|Thursday, June 24th, 2010|
|Routine is boring to read about
I guess that's kind of why I don't update so much. I still like LJ better than Facebook, too. LOL I am a loser. Oh well.
I felt crappy all day today. Just a general fatigue. Not sure why. I've been sleeping. Also, my head hurt. So instead of going to kickboxing, I decided to take the day off from the gym and just work on feeling better. I slept for awhile and when I woke up, Nick was coming in the door with a skinny caramel latte for me! My choice in husband has been completely validated.
I'm trying to read a bunch of classic books that I've never read, this summer. I'm trying to read Moby Dick, but haven't been able to get into it, really. I'm at the part now where they're finally about to meet Captain Ahab. So it'll probably pick up from there.
Also, I agree with Erin. The heat is killing me. Humans were not meant to live in heat this hot, and this consistent. Fuck 104 degree heat indexes. I've been running experiments in my car to try making my drive home more tolerable. Today I put my backpack in the driver's seat, cracked the windows, and when I came back to the car, opened the sunroof for a few minutes while the air cranked up. At least this time the cool air made it to my face, and not just my arms. And my back was not as sweaty as it usually is by the time I get home.
My patio veggie garden is doing pretty well. I've got some little bell peppers, basil, tomatoes, and strawberries out there. Nothing has matured enough to eat yet, except for the basil. But it's surviving out there in the heat. Which is more than I can say for myself. :)
|Friday, April 9th, 2010|
|Sunday, March 21st, 2010|
I wake up and there is snow ALL OVER THE GROUND. I haven't been out, but it looks about 3 inches thick on tree branches. It is seriously a winter wonderland here in Texas. In March. Wow.
In other news, I started playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and I LOVE IT. I guess I'll be staying in and playing it more, now!
It would just figure that the weekend, Nick and I are like... Welp, okay! Time to get out there and do some garden/yard work! Nature decides to cover it in a blanket of snow. Unbelievable.
|Thursday, March 18th, 2010|
|Fresh Air, Sunshine, and Chuck
Today was beautiful! Sunny and warm, about 64 degrees. Instead of going to the gym, my friend Katie and I walked and jogged on Katy Trail in Dallas. We pass by a Pinkberry on our way there. Has anyone ever been? It's a frozen yogurt place (I think) AND I WANT ONE.
When I got home, I asked Nick how the brownies with green Bailey's frosting were. He said the brownie part was really good, but the frosting was too thick. A wall of icing. An icing fortress. So when he dishes them out, he flips them upside down and eats the brownie part and leaves most of the frosting.
I can't believe I married someone who doesn't eat frosting. What was I thinking? I also found out that some of the brownie didn't cook all the way, but it still tastes insanely good. I will pretend I did this on purpose and call it a chocolate chip fudge sauce brownie.
The recipe for the Bailey's frosting goes a little something like this:
1 stick of room temp. unsalted butter
3 cups confectioner's sugar
3 or 4 Tablespoons of Bailey's Irish Cream
What you do is, you first beat the hell out of the butter with an electric mixer. Then you add the Confectioner's sugar, tablespoon by tablespoon. Which means basically, add a tablespoon. Beat with mixer completely. Add a Tablespoon. Beat with mixer completely. And I add each Tablespoon of Bailey's between each cup of sugar.
And apparently, don't slather a whole bowl of it onto an 8x8 glass cooking dish of brownies, depending on who you're married to.
Also, I just saw the most recent episode of Chuck since my DVR decided not to record it on Monday. (Yay Hulu!) This is such an amazing show. I love everyone in it. I won't give out any spoilers just in case. Just know that my feelings on this episode is 'OH NO, WHYYYYYYY?! And HOOOOOOOOOW?! Also, NOOOO YOU CAN'T! and COME BACK!'
|Wednesday, March 17th, 2010|
|St. Paddy's Day!
How was everyone's St. Patrick's Day? Did you have a Guinness? Did you wear green? Did you banish any snakes from Ireland?
I didn't think I had worn green today. But then I remembered that my underwear was green. And that totally counts!
We had black bean burgers and oven fries. Not really Irish. But I did make brownies with my excellent Bailey's frosting. And it was a really nice day, so I got to keep the back door open while I cooked.
One thing I made for Nick's birthday last week, was "Irish Carbomb" Cupcakes. It was amazing! Guinness cupcake cored out with a Jameson ganache and Bailey's icing. SO good. Mom was pretty upset when I told her about it, though. Said my great-grandmother was a fine Irish woman, and the terrorism in Ireland didn't need to be made light of. So there ye go!
..and I'm having a Guinness now. :)
|Saturday, March 6th, 2010|
|Monday, October 19th, 2009|
As excited I am about the wedding... I think I need a day or two to not talk about the wedding at all. I know we've got less than a month, but omg. Constant texts, emails and calls at home is wearing me down.
It's starting to be that we can't wait to get married, because that means the wedding will be over. LOL
It's going to be an amazing party though. I can't wait to see everyone!!
|Thursday, June 25th, 2009|
It's been kind of a rollercoaster of a week. I'm glad it's almost over.
On Monday, my car broke. It was odd. It kind of stalled, and although you could turn it on, it wouldn't stay on. The key would just switch off again. Nick took a look at it and it seemed to be the ignition switch. Which was a recall. So supposedly Acura would pay for it to be fixed.
After the dealership told me they wouldn't pay for my car to be towed over there, I SHOULD have waited for Nick to wake up and look a little closer at it. He would have found the problem (it was electrical) and fixed it with a $100 part. What happened was, I arranged for my insurance to pay for a tow and ended up paying 3X that amount so THEY could fix the non-recalled problem. Ugh.
Then Wednesday, we went to our home inspection. Looks like it's a good, solid house. :) Only problems are: 6 shingles that need to be fixed and the oven needs to be fixed. Homeowners agreed to do that. I'll post some pictures of this house after closing. We're really excited about it!
And today Michael Jackson died. Holy shit! I was at the gym, on the elliptical and the news said he was being rushed to the hospital with some heart problems. 20 minutes later, Katii (Friend and coworker) texts me saying 'Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest!'. I'm still trying to absorb it.
I know he had a lot of personal problems, but he had so much talent. I remember my childhood friend Tim and I dancing around and singing to Smooth Criminal, Beat It, Thriller... Remember when Moonwalker came out? I thought the Smooth Criminal part was so badass. MUCH better than Thriller. :)
Sad. Current Mood: nostalgic